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i love poetry, politics, and people i would be better off staying away from.

Monday, November 15, 2010

It's not you, it's me. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it. Part Two.

This new bitterness of mine needed to be dealt with.  So, rather than dwell (although I'm still a bit pissy about it), I decided to look at my own love life (or lack there of) and clean it up a little bit.  I've been trying the online dating thing lately, and, although there were some gems among the gravel, most of the people on there are not worth my time.  So, I have had conversations with six guys today about me not being interested in them.  Some were online.  One was from high school.  Not all were losers, but they just weren't right for me.  So, I cut them loose.  No more.  I was honest and firm and did what I needed to do.  If I'm to eventually have a life worthy of a husband, then I needed to clean up the rabble.

It all reminded me of a sermon my old pastor once preached.  If you read the story about David and Goliath, there are a few key points to think about:  the loot and the warrant. (jk.  Carmen San Diego memories getting to me.) No, it's the loot, the practice, and the decision.

First point: There's some serious loot for killing a giant!  My giant is the stupid choices I've made in my singledom.  My reward comes after I kill the giant.  My reward is the loot, the not paying taxes, and the trophy wife, the king's daughter (or, in my case, the reward I'm believing God for is the trophy husband . . . not someone who's perfect, but someone who's perfect for me.)  That's right.  Did you catch that last part?  There was a prize involved for killing the giant.  Not just any prize, either . . . it was a flippin' awesome prize!  

The second point:  You can't just kill a giant with no preparation.  In the sermon Pastor Shane talked about the bear and the lion that David had already killed.  It's like, giant-killing practice.  I have been single the right way before.  I can hold out for the reward . . . I just have to quit looking at the giant and keep my mind focused because the reward will be worth it.  I killed another bear or a lion or something today when I made the choice to be honest with the guys I talked to today, which brings me to the next point.

Finally, you need to take decisive action when you're killing a giant.  (I actually wrote in my sermon notes "Throw the damn stone!")  David's peers were hiding from the giant.  David stepped up to the challenge.  I'm going to take decisive action in my relationships. Hell, I did it today. I decided that I wasn't interested in a relationship with the potential boyfriends I had in my queue and threw them out, so to speak.   I'm still not finished killing my relationship stupidity giant, but I'm that much closer, and feeling uber good right about now. 

Like I said before, I was honest and firm and did what I needed to do.  I weeded out the guys who I know are not for me.  And although some of them didn’t get the hint right away and tried to see this as a mere challenge or small snag in their plan, I was not a bitch and still did what I had to do.  Today has been a really great day for me.  FTW!

It's not you, it's me. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it. Part One.

So, a couple days ago I received two relationship updates from people I know.  One was a very exciting and wonderful piece of information:  one of my best friends had a date with a boy she liked.  I was so happy and excited for her.  I was equally excited when I got the follow up texts about how it went.  The other was a very annoying and frustrating bit of news:  another "friend" announced to me that she was getting married.  I played the "oh, congratulations.  I'm so happy for you" card rather well, I think.  No award winning performance, but I think I hid a look of disgust well enough to not let on how I really felt.  I find it slightly hilarious that I'm about to come clean to anyone who may read this, which may, in fact, be her. 

Why so bitter about the upcoming marriage, you ask?  Trust me.  It's not because I'm only two years away from the big Three-O with no hubby prospects and a fondness for cats.  No, I have many friends who have been engaged and married that I celebrated.  It's simply because I hate when people get what they don't deserve. 

My dear frienemy may not know how I feel about her, but the reason for all my animosity towards her is because she's been going out with this man of hers for about a year and a half, and in that year and a half, she's been completely unfaithful a number of times.  She's told me about messing around with guys.  She's made out with married men in public when she's away from her sweet, new fiance.  Etc., etc. She even had the metaphorical balls to compare her behavior with mine, even though I have been single when I've hooked up with guys, always fretted more than bragged, and was never messing around with three people or more in one night like she did this past summer. 

I have no real issues with my being single.  Sometimes it's great.  I don't have to okay something with another person.  I can hang out with my guy friends any time I want without making someone jealous.  I argue a lot less than if I would have a man around. 

I mean, it's not always the best slice of cake, being single.  There are some definite drawbacks, too.  Songs by Babyface and Keith Sweat when you're alone.  Working in the wholesale wedding invitation business.  (Most girls may have their dream day planned out.  I have three separate options for my eventual wedding, have a singer picked out, just missing the groom.) Waiting for Mr. Right.  Getting sucked into settling for Mr. Right Now. 

However, those aren't the reasons I was upset about this.  As I said, I'm angry that she gets this chance at happiness that she doesn't deserve.  I suppose the knife stings a bit harder since I'm not a cheating bitch, yet I've been boyfriend free for the past nine years, but the question remains, why do the bad get the goods?  That day was a pretty hard day for me. WTF?

Sunday, November 7, 2010

OMG! My first blog ever!

okay, so i'm a little new to blogging, but i love the idea of putting myself out there and letting anyone interested know what i'm thinking or how i'm feeling or whatever.  this would most likely explain my facebook addiction, too.

i'll most likely be using this to post some random poetry (by me or other poets i love), or some really great lines from books and my commentary on them or whatever.  i may also rant, cry, or ramble about politics and boys (two of my favorite subjects). 

anyway, i just thought you might like an overview of what to expect when you do subscribe or start reading or whatever.  (you may have noticed i'm a bit random . . . i'm okay with that.) 

with that, i'll say congratulations.  you've just read my first blog post ever!  nice!